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By admin On Thursday, May 4th, 2017

Is this the best pint in Southport?

Before even taking a sip, this beer beckons you, entreats, pleads almost. Like the crafty serpent in the Garden of Eden it whispers, ‘Come, drink and thou shalt be like God, having knowledge of good and evil’. First More...

southport coast rd
By admin On Tuesday, May 2nd, 2017

£3 charge to ride on Southport Coastal Road introduced

Sefton Council have confirmed this morning that using Southport’s Coastal Road/Marine Drive is to become chargeable from next month. Although locals are sure to be furious at this latest tax on motorists, More...

By admin On Friday, April 7th, 2017

Local graffiti geniuses leave subtle clues

Grafitti masterminds struck the seaside town of Southport in the early hours of this morning, leaving the town completely baffled as to who could be responsible. The mysterious spray-painting prodigies’ closely-guarded More...

By admin On Wednesday, April 5th, 2017

Local restauranteur vindicated as dead flies and bird shit turn out to be ingredients in fancy Heston Blumenthal dish

A popular Southport restaurant has been unfairly maligned by the local authority and the town’s media, it has emerged. We have discovered that the various dead insects, fecal matter and rotten vegetables found More...

By admin On Wednesday, December 7th, 2016

Doctor Who scenes filmed in Southport

The BBC were in Southport earlier this week, filming scenes for the upcoming Doctor Who Christmas special. Although we can’t give too many details away about the plot, we understand that it will be Peter Capaldi’s More...

By admin On Wednesday, November 30th, 2016

Shock as boxers suddenly develop bitter grudge just as tickets go on sale

The fighting world was shaken to its core today, as two blokes who’ve never really had much to do with each other suddenly remembered that they had a deep and bitter long-running feud that could only be settled More...

By admin On Tuesday, November 29th, 2016

Southport’s Christmas lights will be back on when someone works out which bulb has gone

Contrary to earlier reports, which suggested that Southport’s Christmas lights were out because of vandalism, we understand that an, as yet undiscovered, faulty bulb is actually the culprit. Town Councillor, More...

By admin On Monday, November 7th, 2016

Southport set for massive wall to keep out Scousers

It has emerged that a controversial mayoral candidate from Southport has been pushing for the erection of a 20′ high border wall around the town. Apparently, if Donald J. Rimmer is elected Mayor of Sefton More...

By admin On Wednesday, July 20th, 2016

Mild storm suggests God “chilling out” about gays

As everyone knows, God usually punishes towns and cities who indulge in a bit too much same sex hanky panky with apocalyptic natural disasters. However, following the news that Southport may soon be hosting its More...

By admin On Thursday, June 30th, 2016

Britain’s Nuclear Submarine Fleet to be Painted Yellow and Moved to Liverpool

The Southport Times can exclusively reveal that the question of where the UK’s nuclear submarine fleet will be housed in the event of Scottish independence has been settled. The four Vanguard class submarines, More...