Southport set for massive wall to keep out Scousers


It has emerged that a controversial mayoral candidate from Southport has been pushing for the erection of a 20′ high border wall around the town. Apparently, if Donald J. Rimmer is elected Mayor of Sefton in next Tuesday’s election, construction could begin on the defensive perimeter as early as next Spring. “It will be such a great More...

by admin | Published 10 months ago
By admin On Thursday, June 30th, 2016

Britain’s Nuclear Submarine Fleet to be Painted Yellow and Moved to Liverpool

The Southport Times can exclusively reveal that the question of where the UK’s nuclear submarine fleet will be housed in the event of Scottish independence has been settled. The four Vanguard class submarines, More...

By admin On Tuesday, June 21st, 2016

Swivel-eyed Brexit morons should adopt a more respectful tone say Remain campaign

Campaigners for Britain to stay in the EU have today renewed their calls for ‘hate-filled, uneducated and bigoted’ Leave advocates to dial down the rhetoric and adopt a more civilised tone. “You More...

British women for British workers!
By admin On Saturday, May 17th, 2014

Panic as UKIP discover that ‘UKIP’ is Bulgarian word for ‘Welcome!’

British women for British workers! There have been several reports of UKIP signs being vandalised around Southport this week. The shocking truth, however, is that the UKIP supporters themselves have been defacing More...

By admin On Friday, April 18th, 2014

98.3% of Africans aware that it’s Christmas

Apparently, Africa doesn’t need a shit pop song to remind them about Christmas. A recent survey has revealed that around 98% of Africans are already well aware that the end of December contains a fairly important More...

black friday
By admin On Friday, March 28th, 2014

‘Black Friday’ shoppers fail to find cut-price souls

Hordes of voracious shoppers have been swarming into temples of consumerism since one minute after midnight today, desperately searching for meaning in the acquisition of shiny things. A traditional American holiday, More...

"Silence the opponents of free speech!"
By admin On Sunday, February 23rd, 2014

Anti-Fascists Would Only Suspend Democracy and Freedom of Speech ‘Temporarily’

“Silence the opponents of free speech!” Anti-fascist movements have sprung up across the UK in response to groups like the EDL. Now their ire is focused almost entirely on UKIP, who are enjoying a huge More...