The Southport Times can exclusively reveal that the question of where the UK’s nuclear submarine fleet will be housed in the event of Scottish independence has been settled.
The four Vanguard class submarines, each carrying Trident strategic missiles, are to be painted bright yellow and moored at the Albert Dock in Liverpool.
The decision was largely influenced by cuts to the Ministry of Defence’s budget – as, whenever a submarine is not on active duty, it will generate revenue by forming part of ‘The Beatle’s Story’ tourist attraction.
Apparently, submariners have been ordered to get ‘mop-top’ haircuts and their uniforms have been changed to 60’s style collarless suits, so that they can act as tour guides.
Tourist’s will be charged around £20 each, to take a guided tour of a yellow submarine.
“We think that John Lennon would have been particularly proud.” Government spokesman, Mr Parker, told us. “To know that exploiting his memory kept our ability to commit genocide at the push of a button alive.”