Published On: Tue, Jul 1st, 2014

70% of University Reunion Events Now Held at Jobcentre Plus

graduationAccording to government figures released today, around 70% of all university alumni reunions are now being held in side rooms at Job Centres.

Around 25% are held in the staff canteens of McDonalds or Poundstretcher. The remaining graduates have been lucky enough to secure unpaid ‘internships’ and tend to meet at soup kitchens or food banks.

We understand that the main reason for holding reunions at Job Centres is to save on bus fares, as one journey can now cover both a reunion and signing on.

Another key factor, is that Job Centre staff have been instructed to stop the benefits of any unemployed person who is out of their sight for more than five minutes.

“I went to my university reunion last Wednesday,” Jessica Smith, a professor of nuclear physics told us. “It was very handy, having it on signing on day.”

“However, a woman kept popping in to tell us we’d lose our benefits if we didn’t apply for at least three jobs between every chicken drumstick and cocktail sausage.”

Other News

  • Study explains why people from Southport are so incredibly sexyStudy explains why people from Southport are so incredibly sexy
  • Mysterious ‘Serial Accident Photographer’ Strikes AgainMysterious ‘Serial Accident Photographer’ Strikes Again
  • Southport Beach in £3m Miracle-Gro Sponsorship DealSouthport Beach in £3m Miracle-Gro Sponsorship Deal
  • Screen stolen from Southport’s new open air cinemaScreen stolen from Southport’s new open air cinema
  • 93% of Criminals in Liverpool Have Southport Accents93% of Criminals in Liverpool Have Southport Accents
  • Mystery Cat Shaver Operating in Southport, Warn PoliceMystery Cat Shaver Operating in Southport, Warn Police
  • Double-Size Aldi Will Still Only Have One Till OpenDouble-Size Aldi Will Still Only Have One Till Open
  • Southport Gets Apology For Cremation of Onion FarmerSouthport Gets Apology For Cremation of Onion Farmer
  • Local restauranteur vindicated as dead flies and bird shit turn out to be ingredients in fancy Heston Blumenthal dishLocal restauranteur vindicated as dead flies and bird shit turn out to be ingredients in fancy Heston Blumenthal dish
  • Thousands of People Living in Bins Say Merseyside Postal WorkersThousands of People Living in Bins Say Merseyside Postal Workers