Home Uncategorized 70% of University Reunion Events Now Held at Jobcentre Plus

70% of University Reunion Events Now Held at Jobcentre Plus

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graduationAccording to government figures released today, around 70% of all university alumni reunions are now being held in side rooms at Job Centres.

Around 25% are held in the staff canteens of McDonalds or Poundstretcher. The remaining graduates have been lucky enough to secure unpaid ‘internships’ and tend to meet at soup kitchens or food banks.

We understand that the main reason for holding reunions at Job Centres is to save on bus fares, as one journey can now cover both a reunion and signing on.

Another key factor, is that Job Centre staff have been instructed to stop the benefits of any unemployed person who is out of their sight for more than five minutes.

“I went to my university reunion last Wednesday,” Jessica Smith, a professor of nuclear physics told us. “It was very handy, having it on signing on day.”

“However, a woman kept popping in to tell us we’d lose our benefits if we didn’t apply for at least three jobs between every chicken drumstick and cocktail sausage.”

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