It has emerged that global jihad is to be rebranded as a ‘fantastic work from home business opportunity’, as terrorists aim to mimic the success of mums flogging aloe vera and crazy eyelashes.
According to our sources, ISIS expect the new Multi-Level-Jihad approach to bring about the world-wide caliphate at least 83% faster than traditional methods.
“That whole violence and martyrdom stuff is so last millenium.” Head of recruitment for the Southport branch of ISIS, Mohammed Rimmer, told us. “Now we are aiming to reach out to people who want to work part time around their kids, while owning their own business.”
“Basically.” Rimmer explained, “I will recruit someone on Facebook to set up a business, to recruit other people on Facebook to set up a business, who will recruit other people on Facebook to set up a business, who will recruit other people on Facebook to set up a business that brings about the destruction of the infidel by making them all drink strange green gunk and wear ridiculous make-up.”
“It’s not a pyramid scheme though.” He hastened to add.
The government has warned people to be vigilant, especially on social media, for claims that MLJ paid for fancy holidays and cars, and pictures of people waging jihad from home in their pyjamas with a glass of wine in front of the fire.
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