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Local restauranteur vindicated as dead flies and bird shit turn out to be ingredients in fancy Heston Blumenthal dish

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A popular Southport restaurant has been unfairly maligned by the local authority and the town’s media, it has emerged.

We have discovered that the various dead insects, fecal matter and rotten vegetables found on the premises were actually key ingredients in Heston Blumenthal’s ‘Authenticly Aged Forest Trifle’ (Heston’s Fantastical Feasts p.43).

Unfortunately, our discovery was made too late to save the business, which was forced to close because of the low hygeine ratings given by local authority inspectors. We hope these so-called ‘inspectors’ will take a long hard look at themselves after this shameful debacle and brush up on their high brow gastronomical knowledge.

When asked for their comments, the new owners of the restaurant promised they would stick to ‘Jamies’s 15 Minute Meals’ for inspiration.

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