Road safety campaigners have been heaping praise upon Merseyside Police today, as their ‘Watch Where You’re Fucking Going’ safety initiative has been credited with a 19.3% increase in cyclists watching where they are going, instead of crashing into stuff.
“The scientific evidence was irrefutable.” Chief Inspector Bert Lynch explained. “In our computer simulations, when cyclists watched where they were going they tended not to crash into people, cars and street furniture. So we thought we’d encourage them to try it in real life.”
“We’d also like members of the local community to get involved. If you see a friend, colleague or family member getting on a bicycle, don’t forget to gently encourage them to ‘Watch where you’re fucking going!'”
In fact, this scheme has proven so successful that Police are planning to roll out several more over the course of this year, including:
- Operation ‘Don’t wear black at night with no lights on, you whopper.’
- Operation ‘Riding two abreast makes you a pair of tits.’
- Operation ‘Lycra isn’t armour, bellend.’
- Operation ‘Undertaking a car at traffic lights that’s just waited 3 miles for a safe place to overtake you is a real cunt’s trick.”
We are sure you’ll join us in congratulating the force on their efforts to make our roads safer for everyone.