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GIMPs ready to take charge


Having been long frustrated with taking the whip in their parties, the newly unmasked Group of Independent Members of Parliament (GIMPs) have declared themselves ready to take control of British politics.

No longer gagged and bound by party protocol, unofficial GIMP spokesman, Chocka Umami, told us this morning that the groups ex-Labour and ex-Conservative members could no longer tolerate being dominated by the hard left and hard right respectively.

“We just don’t like it hard anymore.” Umami explained. “Unless it’s right up the middle.”

“And although it will be difficult to break the old two-party system.” He admitted. “I am used to coming from behind to get what I want.”

Another recent addition to the GIMPs, Llama Shoebury, told us that the old way of doing politics just doesn’t work anymore.

“I am throwing off the chains of Jason Peat-Bogg and the ERG and telling the man and woman in the street that they are my masters now. I am here to serve them. My wish is their command – unless their wish is for a by-election, obviously.”

As the GIMPs aren’t officially a political party yet – they don’t share a specific policy platform. However, Shoebury doesn’t rule out the introduction of party whips.

“I am perfectly capable of applying a little discipline myself where correction is required.” The MP explained.

“But only when absolutely necessary.” She concluded, with a maternal, yet slightly unnerving smile.