A nineteen year old from the small town of Twatt-cum-Twiddlestick in North Yorkshire has had her citizenship revoked over fears of radicalisation following a day trip to London.
Eyup, a trainee teacher, Yorshire born and bred, was apparently a model citizen. However, locals couldn’t take the chance of her bringing any fancy southern ways back with her from the capital.
“You can’t be too careful these days,” One of Eyup’s neighbours told us. “These kids seem perfectly normal one minute, walking their whippets and haggling over the price of penny sweets like any other teenager. Then they visit funny foreign places on the train or get broomed on the internet and all of sudden they’re drinking soy milk lattes and eating their dinner off a breadboard instead of a plate.”
Unfortunately for Yorkshire, the Lancastrian Home Secretary Sajid Javid seemed to take great pleasure in re-instating Eyup’s citizenship and sent her home with a bunch of red roses as a symbol of friendship to the County.