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Soldier emerges after 37 years hiding in Falklands and immediately surrenders to nearest Argentinian

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Damien Moore, a boy soldier who stowed away on a Royal Navy patrol boat to join the Falklands War in 1982 at just 14 years of age, has finally emerged from hiding after locals managed to convince him that the war was over.

After initially surrendering to the first person who looked South American, in actuality a bemused carpet fitter called Derek, Moore is now on his way back to Britain.

Moore’s full story has yet to emerge, but we understand that he largely survived on sheep droppings, rain water and bags of Haribo sweets that local children threw for the mythical figure; ‘that weird bloke in the bushes’.

Apparently, Moore now has his heart set on a career in politics – and if he is successful in becoming the only Conservative MP in Merseyside, his experience of surviving against the odds while surrounded by hostile forces could come in handy.

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