Published On: Sat, May 10th, 2014

Hesketh Bank to get Telephone and Internet by 2024

Still want to move to Hesketh Bank, townie?

Still want to move to Hesketh Bank, townie?

British Telecom have vowed to bring the ramshackle collection of villages to the north of Southport, known as Hesketh Bank, into the information age ‘within the next ten years’.

According to a report on BT’s website, engineers tried to do the job in the summer of 1984 but ran out of cable just before the Plough roundabout.

We can exclusively reveal, however, that there was a much more sinister explanation involving missing engineers, bizarre animal-like headwear and large wicker effigies. Our source, who wished to remain anonymous, told us that townies would be much less likely to try to invade their community if they couldn’t bring their walkie-talkie-witchcraft with them.

Unfortunately, we are unable to print the full story due to the risk of ‘accidental’ immolation.

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