Published On: Sat, Jun 21st, 2014

Microsoft Set to Launch Psychic Search Engine Powered by Derek Acorah

PsingImagine a search engine that knows exactly what you are looking for before you have even typed a word.

Well that’s exactly what Microsoft have created in their latest attempt to overturn Google’s massive dominance in the search engine market.

“It couldn’t be easier to use,” Bill Gates told us. “You simply navigate to Psing.com and a page of results is already there – with exactly what you intended to search for displayed.”

“Where we have gone wrong in the past, is in thinking the answer lies with technology.” Gates explained.

“We’ve been fiddling with our algorithms for years, trying to make search more intuitive. And the best we could come up with is Bing, which everyone thinks is shit.”

“Psing, on the other hand, is powered entirely by spooky scouser, Derek Acorah. And it’s fucking brilliant.”

The Southport Times was given a sneak peak of Psing, ahead of its launch next week. Unfortunately, we are unable to recommend the new search engine just yet. We tested Psing on several random members of the public and it only ever returned porn, which can’t possibly be what everyone was thinking about.

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