LOCAL NEWS FOR LOCAL PEOPLE

New Aldi now Southport’s highest rated tourist attraction on TripAdvisor

Narrowly beating off competition from our glorious green beaches and the excellent push bike and shopping trolley museum in the Marine Lake,...

Ten and a half reasons why Southport isn’t as shit as...

From it's classy Victorian heyday, barely clinging on to mini Blackpool status in the late 20th century and on to to its...
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Culture & Lifestyle

Nothing on Masterchef beats soup and crisps from Southport’s old swimming...

Masterchef may have been on the telly for almost thirty years, but they've been pretty much wasting their time, according to people of a...

God “chilling out” about gays

As everyone knows, God usually punishes towns and cities who indulge in a bit too much same sex hanky panky with apocalyptic natural disasters. However,...

Birkdale better than Formby for MILFs

In a surprise change of fortune, Birkdale has topped this year's Southport & District MILF league table. Residents of Formby, whose MILF's had topped the...

Entertainment News

Angus Young of AC/DC forced to wear long trousers

It is a little known fact that Angus Young, one of the founders of the Australian rock band AC/DC, has been buying his school...

Justin Bieber barred from Southport Funland

Canadian pop sensation Justin Bieber has allegedly been handed a lifetime ban from Southport's largest amusement arcade, Funland, following an incident last Saturday afternoon. We...

Southport farmer grows turnip with face of will.i.am

Ron Hesketh, 83, a keen gardener from Banks, found himself at the center of an international media storm this week, after growing a turnip...

Politics and Current Affairs

Protesters throw Jim Davidson mug off the end of Southport Pier

In a show of solidarity with Black Lives Matter activists tearing down statues around the world, a small group of protesters paraded a Jim...

Southport set for massive wall to keep out Scousers

It has emerged that a controversial mayoral candidate from Southport has been pushing for the erection of a 20' high border wall around the town. Apparently, if...

Britain’s nuclear submarine fleet to be painted yellow and moved to...

The Southport Times can exclusively reveal that the question of where the UK's nuclear submarine fleet will be housed in the event of Scottish...