The picturesque seaside town of Southport has announced plans to turn off all colour from next week, returning to the “simpler, nobler” age of black and white.
The collective decision followed a public consultation in which residents overwhelmingly agreed that everything was better before colour was invented. There was less crime, children were better behaved, and England still had a chance of winning at football.
Marshside resident Alf Rimmer, 84, who remembers life in black and white, told us:
“Those were the days. You could leave your front door open and total strangers would come in, do a bit of housework, maybe even put the kettle on.”
The Southport Tourist Board are asking all holidaymakers to respect the town’s new monochromatic aesthetic, by ensuring that they divest themselves of all colour before entering the town.
