From next week the picturesque seaside town of Southport is ditching colour, in favour of more genteel shades black and white.
The collective decision was reached as residents realised that everything was so much better before colour was invented. There was less crime, children were better behaved and England had a chance of winning at football.
“You could leave your front door open in those days,” Sandgrounder, Alf Rimmer, 84, told us, “And total strangers would come in and do a bit of housework. Maybe even cook you a bit of tea.”
The Southport Tourist Board are asking all holidaymakers to respect the town’s new monochromatic aesthetic, by ensuring that they divest themselves of all colour before entering the town.