LOCAL NEWS FOR LOCAL PEOPLE

Southport welcomes its second black family

Southport rolled out the welcome mat last week for the first black family to move into the town since Roger and Beryl Simpson in...

Nan horrified at being offered quesadillas on trip to Southport Market for new slippers

Local grandmother Elsie Rimmer, 84, has been getting a new pair of furry slippers from Southport Market every year since 1958. Despite not getting out...
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Politics and Current Affairs

Coronavirus vaccine will make you love Windows 10

Evil genius Bill Gates has secretly bio-engineered his coronavirus vaccine to make everyone think that Windows 10 is the best operating system ever, it...

The Queen hires Liam Neeson to rescue Prince Harry

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has taken the dramatic step of hiring the Northern Irish hardman actor Liam Neeson to locate her grandson Harry...

Harry apologises for whatever Meghan is pissed off about this week

Prince Harry released a new hostage video this morning, apologising for whatever Meghan is moaning on about this week. He opens the video by apologising...

Culture & Lifestyle

Britain’s teenagers still not tidied their bedrooms after a year of lockdown

Despite being trapped in their houses for the best part of a year, 98.9% of Britain's teenagers still haven't quite found the time necessary...

Keith Richards recommends amphetamines and strippers to ward off Covid 19

In a recent interview with The Southport Times, Keith Richards the 137 year old Rolling Stones legend, has advised people of his generation to...

New ‘I’m a Celebrity’ to be set on Epstein island starring Prince Andrew

According to our sources, 2020's new series of I'm a celebrity get me out of here is to be relocated from the Australian jungle...

Business & Finance