LOCAL NEWS FOR LOCAL PEOPLE
Operation ‘Watch Where You’re F***ing Going’ credited for fall in cycling accidents
Road safety campaigners have been heaping praise upon Merseyside Police today, as their 'Watch Where You're Fucking Going' safety initiative has been credited with a...
Local graffiti geniuses leave subtle clues
Grafitti masterminds struck the seaside town of Southport in the early hours of this morning, leaving the town completely baffled as to who could...
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Pay and display machines now accepting human blood
It was announced this morning that Southport's pay and display machines are to be the first in the UK to accept either coins or...
Sufferers of ‘Scouse Eyebrow Syndrome’ now eligible for free NHS treatment
Jeremy Hunt, the Secretary of State for Health, announced today that people suffering from the debilitating Scouse Eyebrow Syndrome (SEBS) will be able to...
Sefton Council workers defeat Pennywise the clown
Quick-thinking highway maintenance workers have guaranteed that residents of Botanic Road in Southport can sleep soundly tonight by blocking off drains with tarmac.
We understand...
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Greta Thunberg en route to liberate Southport from occupation of Sefton Council
In a dramatic escalation of her international activism, pint-sized climate zealot and professional know-it-all Greta Thunberg has launched a daring crusade across the North...
Southport gets apology for cremation of onion farmer
Southport Crematorium have issued an apology for the awful smell of onions hovering over Southport today.
Apparently a small dignified service was carried out for...
Immigrants invading Southport by PARACHUTE
There were shocking scenes on the coast of Ainsdale today as swarms of immigrants landed on the beach after apparently crossing the sea with...
