LOCAL NEWS FOR LOCAL PEOPLE
Cyclist uses one of Southport’s new cycle lan…..no wait, he’s back on the pavement
Sefton Council's ingenious idea to paint cycle lanes over the bits of Southport where rates-paying small businesses' customers used to park seemed briefly justified...
Southport welcomes its second black family
Southport rolled out the welcome mat last week for the first black family to move into the town since Roger and Beryl Simpson in...
Politics and Current Affairs
Coronavirus vaccine will make you love Windows 10
Evil genius Bill Gates has secretly bio-engineered his coronavirus vaccine to make everyone think that Windows 10 is the best operating system ever, it...
The Queen hires Liam Neeson to rescue Prince Harry
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has taken the dramatic step of hiring the Northern Irish hardman actor Liam Neeson to locate her grandson Harry...
Harry apologises for whatever Meghan is pissed off about this week
Prince Harry released a new hostage video this morning, apologising for whatever Meghan is moaning on about this week.
He opens the video by apologising...
Culture & Lifestyle
Britain’s teenagers still not tidied their bedrooms after a year of lockdown
Despite being trapped in their houses for the best part of a year, 98.9% of Britain's teenagers still haven't quite found the time necessary...
Keith Richards recommends amphetamines and strippers to ward off Covid 19
In a recent interview with The Southport Times, Keith Richards the 137 year old Rolling Stones legend, has advised people of his generation to...
New ‘I’m a Celebrity’ to be set on Epstein island starring Prince Andrew
According to our sources, 2020's new series of I'm a celebrity get me out of here is to be relocated from the Australian jungle...
