LOCAL NEWS FOR LOCAL PEOPLE
Southport in Australia ‘really, really shit’ compared to our Southport
It has emerged that there is another Southport - in Australia, on Queensland's so-called 'Gold Coast' which is like a much, much shitter version of our seaside...
Southport kid banking on fake scouse accent to make it through school without a fight
Southport year 9 student, Oliver Wenthropp, has successfully managed to avoid fisticuffs for the first three years of high school, it has emerged.
"When I...
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Local graffiti geniuses leave subtle clues
Grafitti masterminds struck the seaside town of Southport in the early hours of this morning, leaving the town completely baffled as to who could...
Southport man injured trying to light electronic cigarette
There are renewed calls for an outright ban on electronic cigarettes today, as news emerged that a Southport man was injured whilst trying to...
Southport’s Kew estate quarantined in bid to halt spread of STDs
Health officials have stepped in to completely fence off the Kew estate in Southport from the outside world, it has emerged.
We understand that the...
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Pay and display machines now accepting human blood
It was announced this morning that Southport's pay and display machines are to be the first in the UK to accept either coins or...
Woollybacks gain protected minority status
After many years of being marginalised and ridiculed by scousers, people from Southport and other areas surrounding Liverpool have finally been recognised as a minority group...
Angus Young of AC/DC forced to wear long trousers
It is a little known fact that Angus Young, one of the founders of the Australian rock band AC/DC, has been buying his school...
