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Nan horrified at being offered quesadillas on trip to Southport Market for new slippers

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Local grandmother Elsie Rimmer, 84, has been getting a new pair of furry slippers from Southport Market every year since 1958.

Despite not getting out much these days – because of all the foreigners and people with  stupid tattoos and ridiculously coloured hair – Elsie made her annual pilgrimage to the market yesterday only to be greeted by the sight and aromas of freshly prepared sushi, souvlaki, and spicy burritos.

After spending around twenty minutes loudly ranting about ‘foreign muck’, not hearing any replies because she won’t wear her hearing aids and insisting that one unfortunate restauranteur had better find her some furry slippers, it all got a bit much for Elsie, who was taken home by her daughter, Lucy, for a sit down and a nice cup of tea.

Lucy told us that her grandma was now fully recovered – and actually has a bit of a spring in her step since mention of a spicy Greek sausage reminded her of meeting Prince Phillip during the war.

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