Published On: Fri, May 16th, 2014

Southport Puzzled by Mystery ‘Running Woman’

She must have heard the ice cream van.

She must have heard the ice cream van.

America has Sasquatch, Scotland has the Loch Ness Monster. Now Southport has its very own mystery.

Over the last few weeks reports have been coming to us from confused locals who seem convinced that they have spotted a woman running from one place to another and then back again for no discernible reason.

“I was waiting for the bus when she ran past me,” one Southport resident told us. “I panicked a bit, to be honest. Obviously I thought there was a fire or something. But I was totally spooked when I couldn’t see any reason at all. I mean, I’ve seen people running on the telly, but they were Southerners or Ethiopians or something.”

The only local who claims to have actually spoken to the mystery woman is Elsie Rimmer from Birkdale. “I was out walking the dog the other morning when this young lady ran past me like she was being chased by the devil.” Elsie told us. “But when she stopped to tie her shoe lace up, I asked her if everything was ok. She said no one was chasing her and she hadn’t left the gas on, or won the lottery, or anything like that. She mumbled some rubbish about ‘calories’ and ‘fresh air’ or ‘enjoying it’ or something.”

“It makes no sense to me.” Another concerned Sandgrounder told us “If I started running like that, I’d probably run out of breath or start sweating. It can’t be good for you.”

If you know anything about the mysterious ‘running woman’ please let us know. However, we urge our readers not to approach her, as questions must be asked of the mental state of someone who runs about the place when there is perfectly adequate programming on the television and several public houses with a fine selection of beer.

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