Local graffiti geniuses leave subtle clues


Grafitti masterminds struck the seaside town of Southport in the early hours of this morning, leaving the town completely baffled as to who could be responsible. The mysterious spray-painting More...

Local restauranteur vindicated as dead flies and bird shit turn out to be ingredients in fancy Heston Blumenthal dish


A popular Southport restaurant has been unfairly maligned by the local authority and the town’s media, it has emerged. We have discovered that the various dead insects, More...

Doctor Who scenes filmed in Southport


The BBC were in Southport earlier this week, filming scenes for the upcoming Doctor Who Christmas special. Although we can’t give too many details away about the plot, More...


Southport set for massive wall to keep out Scousers

It has emerged that a controversial mayoral candidate from Southport has been pushing for the erection of a 20′ high border wall around the town. Apparently, if Donald More...

Britain’s Nuclear Submarine Fleet to be Painted Yellow and Moved to Liverpool

The Southport Times can exclusively reveal that the question of where the UK’s nuclear submarine fleet will be housed in the event of Scottish independence has been settled. The More...

Southport town centre to be relocated to Meols Cop

chapel street

The Southport Business Improvement District team have decided upon a plan which will instantly solve all of the problems More...

Double-Size Aldi Will Still Only Have One Till Open

aldi southport

Aldi have confirmed today that, despite spending millions doubling the size of their store in Kew, Southport, there More...

A sad farewell to the shorts. Angus Young of AC/DC Forced to Wear Long Trousers With Closure of Rawcliffes

It is a little known fact that Angus Young, one of the founders of the Australian...

The scene of Saturday's alleged incident. Justin Bieber Barred from Southport Funland

Canadian pop sensation Justin Bieber has allegedly been handed a lifetime ban from Southport’s largest amusement...

'The Death-Defying Mega Bounce 2000!' - Are you brave enough? Southport Pleasureland Takes on Alton Towers With Addition of Third Attraction

Southport Pleasureland today announced ‘massive’ plans for expansion with the official unveiling of its latest attraction,...

Birkdale Better Than Formby for MILF’s

A typical Birkdale mum.

A typical Birkdale mum. In a surprise change of fortune, Birkdale has topped this year’s Southport & More...

BMW Drivers in Protest at Lack of Disabled Parking Spaces

Readers of BMW Today magazine have sent petitions to councils and major supermarket chains today, complaining about the ‘disgraceful’ lack of..

Sufferers of ‘Scouse Eyebrow Syndrome’ Now Eligible for Free NHS Treatment

Jeremy Hunt, the Secretary of State for Health, announced today that people suffering from the debilitating Scouse Eyebrow Syndrome (SEBS) will..

Southport No.1 for randy pensioners

southport pensioners

Southport has been voted the best destination in the UK to grab a granny or grandad who’s ‘gagging More...

Masculinity Dead

The world went into mourning today, as masculinity took its last slow, shallow breath and passed into history. An official verdict..

Southport Brothel Now Offering Clubcard Points

Southport’s favourite brothel, Blue, has teamed up with a leading supermarket chain to offer clubcard points on every transaction. Now, while..
sexy southport

Study explains why people from Southport are so incredibly sexy

The reason why Sandgrounders naturally exude an aura of effortless attractiveness has been an unexplained mystery in the scientific community for..

Microsoft Set to Launch Psychic Search Engine Powered by Derek Acorah

Imagine a search engine that knows exactly what you are looking for before you have even typed a word. Well that’s..

Mild storm suggests God “chilling out” about gays

As everyone knows, God usually punishes towns and cities who indulge in a bit too much same sex hanky panky with..

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