LOCAL NEWS FOR LOCAL PEOPLE

Southport in surprise tourism boost from empty shop enthusiasts

We all know there are loads of strange niche interests and hobbies out there, like trainspotting, roundabout photography, knitting bobble hats out of belly button fluff...

£3 charge to ride on Southport Coastal Road introduced

Sefton Council have confirmed this morning that using Southport's Coastal Road/Marine Drive is to become chargeable from next month. Although locals are sure to be furious...
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Culture & Lifestyle

Birkdale Better Than Formby for MILF’s

In a surprise change of fortune, Birkdale has topped this year's Southport & District MILF league table. Residents of Formby, whose MILF's had topped the...

Sufferers of ‘Scouse Eyebrow Syndrome’ Now Eligible for Free NHS Treatment

Jeremy Hunt, the Secretary of State for Health, announced today that people suffering from the debilitating Scouse Eyebrow Syndrome (SEBS) will be able to...

Idiots Who Use The Same Spoon for Tea and Coffee to...

People who don't use separate spoons when making tea and coffee are to be 'named and shamed' under new Government guidelines. "Tea is a vital...

Entertainment News

Angus Young of AC/DC Forced to Wear Long Trousers With Closure...

It is a little known fact that Angus Young, one of the founders of the Australian rock band AC/DC, has been buying his school...

Justin Bieber Barred from Southport Funland

Canadian pop sensation Justin Bieber has allegedly been handed a lifetime ban from Southport's largest amusement arcade, Funland, following an incident last Saturday afternoon. We...

Southport Pleasureland Takes on Alton Towers With Addition of Third Attraction

Southport Pleasureland today announced 'massive' plans for expansion with the official unveiling of its latest attraction, 'The Death-Defying Mega Bounce 2000!' Southport's very own theme...

Politics and Current Affairs

Southport set for massive wall to keep out Scousers

It has emerged that a controversial mayoral candidate from Southport has been pushing for the erection of a 20' high border wall around the town. Apparently, if...

Britain’s Nuclear Submarine Fleet to be Painted Yellow and Moved to...

The Southport Times can exclusively reveal that the question of where the UK's nuclear submarine fleet will be housed in the event of Scottish...

Petition calling for David Cameron to reconsider resignation reaches FOUR signatures

In the wake of the petition calling for a second EU referendum, voters have been flocking to sign another petition calling upon Britain's most...