Published On: Wed, May 14th, 2014

Southport Monument’s Wino’s Granted National Heritage Status

"Millenium hand and shrimp..."

“Millenium hand and shrimp…”

Mumbling alcoholics have been a part of the rich tapestry of Southport town centre life for so long that an English Heritage Committee have granted them protected status.

This means that while the war memorial itself may be turned into a pound shop or trendy wine bar, our treasured Special Brew drinking friends must be preserved for future generations.

The head of the Southport Tourist Board, Shirley Knott, told us that this was great news for the town.

“With the increasing homogenisation of towns, everywhere looks and feels the same,” she explained. But now we have something that makes us different from all the rest.”

“You can bring your kids to Southport and let them see people urinating on monuments – or right there where they sit, in their pants! They can enjoy having a string of barely comprehensible expletives hurled at them – or on occasion an empty half whiskey bottle. You don’t get that in any old town.”

Mrs Knott insisted that locals would not have to pay for Southport’s latest attraction, but did not rule out a ‘Wino Walk’, along the lines of Liverpool’s ‘Haunted Ghost Walk’ tours being offered to tourists.

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